tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58664112011-05-29T18:49:46.909-05:00inner thoughtsNigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comBlogger821100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1098418257253187012004-10-21T22:47:00.000-05:002004-10-21T23:10:57.253-05:00

At the moment I have awaken- Part of the collective. Ah! ye souls that stretch from past to present. Knowing that I can both create and destroy. Seeing myself as not just me- but the "One", who exist in all. Wanting to tame and unleash the bullock and tullip that lives in all. As I see the Virgin stand before me engulfed by the snake, eveloped in light that burns the reitna, wanting to float

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1098240959705065342004-10-19T21:47:00.002-05:002004-10-19T21:55:59.713-05:00

Strong black women with a sense of self. They are my strength, and my grounding. The only persons I would kill for. They desreve the Noble Peace Prize- My Positive Energy

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1098240795633539132004-10-19T21:47:00.001-05:002004-10-19T21:53:15.700-05:00

Strong black women with a sense of self. They are my strength, and my grounding. The only persons I would kill for. They desreve the Noble Peace Prize- My Positive Energy

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1098240735152768342004-10-19T21:47:00.000-05:002004-10-19T21:52:15.153-05:00

Strong black women with a sense of self. They are my strength, and my grounding. The only persons I would kill for. They desreve the Noble Peace Prize- My Positive Energy

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1097901790185895462004-10-16T00:23:00.000-05:002004-10-15T23:43:10.186-05:00

Mind games last but just a minute with me-I've learned to let go. Play all you want, but I refuse to play along. Hate me, love me- it's all the same to me. If you wish to deceive me I will eventually catch on. I may seem content, but you have made an enemy, and I am the worse, because I think, and I will leave you behind without much thought. Narcissistic of me, but I am willing to be alone

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1097117163593465742004-10-06T21:44:00.000-05:002004-10-06T21:46:03.593-05:00

I've finally understood the person I hate the most. I love him, not for what he did, but for who he is now-A Father, who believes in me, and knows that I am a man now because of him. It's never too late to acknowledge the "other". He is my confidant, my future and past, he was a child, now he is a man. Forgiveness is best when it comes from the one you hated the most, but taught you to be

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1097031024866292372004-10-05T21:48:00.000-05:002004-10-05T21:50:24.866-05:00

Laugh, scoff, imagine the worst of me, but you already know who I am.

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1096423160538298262004-09-28T20:58:00.000-05:002004-09-28T20:59:20.536-05:00

Years of trying and failing. Years of accepting a curse (false sense of self), but I keep plugging away to prove that curse (or false senses of self) are an abstraction of reality, or an error based on incositencies of fact that are based on rules that can be circumvented. Like a video game (reason for the Matrix's popularity), you can always find error to life, which is incosistent (abstract)

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1096253910710999392004-09-26T21:56:00.000-05:002004-09-26T21:58:30.710-05:00

I watch on a daily basis. Yes I lie, not about that which counts. I am ever aware of the fake one, those who only do to perpetuate their status or position of life. You can call it paranoia, ineptness, crayzinesss, or whatever title you want to attach to my perception of the facts (chaos) that appears before me. I am a student of human nature and I will watch, translate, and adapt to the

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1096085646434656172004-09-25T00:12:00.000-05:002004-09-24T23:14:06.436-05:00

I'm browsing MySpace and I come across a blog. I love reading peoples blog's. There was so much emotion and frustration in it about living as just being you, accepting you, that I had to stop and feel the presence of another that was me and someone else. We are not only validated by ourselves but the acknowldgement of the other. It's always a pleasure to find myself in the presence of another

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1095254149918571552004-09-15T08:15:00.000-05:002004-09-15T08:15:49.916-05:00

I just want to thank those who have added balance to my life, those who added exceptionality to a life that was once lost. I'm not the same one you perceived as lost or abondoned. I am forever grateful for those who have stuck by by me when I was at my worse, for those who told me the truth, for those who kicked down the walls that I've used to block out the real world, for those who have

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1095139326608071332004-09-14T00:21:00.000-05:002004-09-14T00:22:06.606-05:00

A quick question, do you have clue of what to do? So many people walk through life ignoring the simple etiquette's of simply living with others, trying to elude those who actually see. "You should know the truth-and the truth will set you free." The only way to to contribute to reality is through introspection. Without knowing who you really are and why you do things you will never have a

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1094798712804135232004-09-10T01:24:00.000-05:002004-09-10T08:47:51.403-05:00

A moment at a time. A fracttion of a second; thought grab-ahold' a moment lost in refraction; and I'm back to you- a slow ember that is burning out quickly.

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1094617516705332372004-09-07T22:51:00.002-05:002004-09-09T17:33:17.526-05:00

Why must words perpetuate our lives. Awkward silence and the need to talk is fucking annoying. Why can't we just sit with one another, comfortable in our own skin, experiencing what we are feeling, recognizing the other in just their pressence, knowing they actually exist, whithout nihilating the others presence with speach, trying to recover our own existence, forgetting that we not only live

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1094530920475739432004-09-06T22:28:00.000-05:002004-09-06T23:26:00.150-05:00

Left-Right-Left... (what I forgot, but watch out, I'm back) WELCOME TO THE SOUTH- I grew up in D.C. with the angriest man, who took it out on my hide. A day to day war between violence and silence. A mother that was more concerned with getting high, than the bruises on my body. I survived that shit for 18 years, not to mention the crap on the street. D.C Space at 15, a nine in my face "A Biil

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1094267975588945812004-09-03T22:16:00.000-05:002004-09-03T22:19:35.586-05:00

As I'm reading the end of "being and nothingness" I come across "slimyneess", where Satre leads into an anology about ice and "sliding". As a major precept of being we are known through our actions, and play is an integral part of our need to appropriate through our actions. Appropriation is a basic need to exist in a world that is external to our natural urge to being. It is a base principle

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1094182344930616512004-09-02T21:59:00.000-05:002004-09-02T22:32:24.930-05:00

If I were trully describe for-the-other, it would be my friend Polls. There is nothing I wouldn't do for her. I nihilate my preexiisting tendencies to know that she is happy. She is all the women I know wrapped up in one. She holds her own. She really knows without asking why, but she will ask, not to confuse herknowledge with yours. She is a rare breed, a woman to the full extent of being

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1093748277023058802004-08-28T21:54:00.000-05:002004-08-28T21:59:44.383-05:00

"when you are met with that awkward silence and you can shut the fuck up," without feeling awkward.

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1093666626983639302004-08-27T23:15:00.000-05:002004-08-27T23:17:06.983-05:00

Stupidity is dangerous, especially in numbers.

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1093576885969787182004-08-26T22:20:00.000-05:002004-08-26T22:30:02.076-05:00

"I know I'm unloveable""I "I've just haven't earned it yet"

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1093406069513484222004-08-24T22:31:00.000-05:002004-08-24T22:54:29.513-05:00

I know this great woman. She exemplifies everything I Love and hate about women. She has caused me great distress, but has taught me so much, unfortunately she has effected my meaning of love. Years of her not being there, moments of her being there-coming- going-coming- mostly going. Years of self medication, unpredictable behavior, and cycling through her emotions and ambitions, which I

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1093151585501822912004-08-22T00:09:00.000-05:002004-08-22T00:13:05.500-05:00

Apathy, a choice for giving up the- Fight!

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1093060467521421802004-08-20T22:42:00.000-05:002004-08-20T22:54:27.520-05:00

I want you to know what the truth is, It's just your interpertatiom of reality, and that differs from person to person. What you must realize is that you are going to die. An inevitable fact of life. Your choices are important, you do effect this world, depending on your motives for existing. Be true to yourself and others aroumd you, and adapt the notion of letting go, because the more you

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1091593131334223572004-08-03T23:08:00.000-05:002004-08-03T23:18:51.333-05:00

I won't give up, I'm too strong. Be aware, I'm a wolf in sheeps clothing. but tears are a fact of life, and life hurts when silence drones.

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1091505366454177222004-08-02T22:20:00.000-05:002004-08-02T22:56:06.453-05:00

So, I'm sitting back watching Seinfeld (synchronicity) "There are no coincidences" The line I hear as I look up from my computer is "Wouldn't it be great if we knew what women were thinking..." he goes on "...trying to figure out what women are thinking is like trying to solve a murder..." It's just frustrating. Why can't we just be upfront about what we want, how we would like to interact

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1091430171418568802004-08-02T02:02:00.000-05:002004-08-02T02:02:51.420-05:00

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1091429997123967042004-08-02T01:45:00.000-05:002004-08-02T01:59:57.123-05:00

You know when you have met that right person. The glasses, the hair, and everything else. I see her and turn to jelly. I smell her and fall apart. I get nothing but mixed signals. I see her, and all i want to do is tell her she turns me to mush. I hold her for a moment and I feel the moments rush. just a moment and I turn to dust. Why must we keep are feelings secret, when it is for the "other"

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1091334772857722212004-07-31T23:27:00.000-05:002004-07-31T23:32:52.856-05:00

she is on my my mind like ineffable thought. i want to scream her name, but i'm strangled by my own ineptness. i want to know her but i keep missing her. a lost that was never meant to be.

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1091234806721035922004-07-30T19:46:00.000-05:002004-07-30T20:57:58.123-05:00

synchronicity is everywhere, you just have to be willing and objective to see it. i think we miss so much on a daily basis by "nihilating" parts of ourselves that are ever present in the world. we exist for the world just as it exist for us. by ignoring your surroundings you are nihilating "the-for-itself-in-itself". these are things that are ever present in you, which are essential for the

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1086153062961440132004-06-02T00:06:00.001-05:002004-07-30T19:45:39.706-05:00

arrogance, this is what is seen. mistaken silence and shyness, for ineptness and fear. will I always be disastisfied?

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1085112508958860012004-05-20T22:52:00.000-05:002004-05-20T23:08:28.956-05:00

I totally have to rethink my lifestyle I'm by no means arrogant, but I'm too wise, sensitive, and unassuming to be hanging around a bar listening to bands. Unless I know them, or really like them it's pointless and irritating.. Bump, Shove, Drunk. There is something absurd about a group of people finding solace in wasting time getting drunk and not really listening, concerned only about whats

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1084938035156315862004-05-18T21:39:00.000-05:002004-05-18T22:40:35.156-05:00

oooh! STOP! with ur feet on the air and ur head on the ground try this trick and spin it. ur head will collapse but there's nothing in it, and u'll ask yourself where is my mind? where is my mind? where is my mind? (way out in the water-see it swmming) i was swimming in the carribean animals were hiding behind a rock, except for ur fish they told me to swim they told me twice. where is my

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1084845939181338042004-05-17T21:03:00.000-05:002004-05-17T21:05:39.180-05:00

follow your heart, but what do u do when it's damaged?

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1083729952674495032004-05-04T23:04:00.000-05:002004-05-04T23:10:17.513-05:00

E=MC2X7?

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1083634633944190062004-05-03T20:24:00.000-05:002004-05-03T20:41:18.763-05:00

I had tea with my friend polls tonight. She is an amazing person. I'm glad that I have such special people in my life- for what is a person without friends? I'd rather have the good fortune of loving people in my life than all the fame, fortune and glory the world offers, because money can not buy true happiness, trust or faith. I value this more than anything I own, because there is no owning or

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1082783657179750602004-04-23T23:52:00.000-05:002004-04-24T00:18:26.873-05:00

I'm scared of a world that embraces apathy as if it were a virtue. adapt or fall behind. choose your hate- it's all the same to me- amd I find it hard to breathe, suffacated by the suffering of the land. it is an act of desperation that I search for some semblance of maturity in a world that's gone insane. respect! kill for killings sake. respect! so what? It's not my fault? so what!

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1080450318619863602004-03-27T23:44:00.000-05:002004-03-28T00:08:51.280-05:00

the room is empty- my mother cries, father is angry and i'm left to my own devices. "no one gets out alive"

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1080190623321761022004-03-24T23:49:00.000-05:002004-03-25T00:00:31.153-05:00

sleep is eluding me- the world is losing it's lustre to the emptiness of the night. there are no more dreams, just the emptiness and lonliness of the twilight hour. the ring of the cash register at 7-11 is what i hear for a moment, as i am in contact with the few that are up at insane hours to cater to the ones that drag themselves along among the shadows. the lonely drunk passed out on the

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1079590000990669202004-03-18T00:58:00.001-05:002004-03-18T01:09:59.983-05:00

you're in my house you're in my face you made me hate the human race i got it good i got it strong i got it down where it belongs aw it's sick and oh it's sad i think you're something i can't have penetrate the happy place you got me crawling on my face come fly witj me come lie with me come die with me and we could kiss with tongues i've got no place to go you've got no place to go aw it's sick

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1079589560162556802004-03-18T00:58:00.000-05:002004-03-18T01:02:38.420-05:00

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1079587490086777512004-03-18T00:21:00.000-05:002004-03-18T00:28:08.780-05:00

what to do- it's simple. to be missed- to be wanted- a felling I miss. a feeling I want.

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1079244374036528702004-03-14T01:03:00.000-05:002004-03-14T01:09:27.576-05:00

I just want to know someone who gets it. I just want to hear I love you.

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1078894539291375512004-03-09T23:28:00.000-05:002004-03-09T23:58:47.403-05:00

I'm looking for some semblance of myself, anything. I feel unattractive, misguided, unwanted, lost, dumb, etc. What I wish I didn't feel is empty, alone, disconnected, unloveable. I put all my efforts into all the wrong things. I waste my time, my love, my ambition, and my energy. It all feels like such a waste and now I'm shaking. I can't stop the cycle (interest-disappointment-downfall).

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1078459677673926242004-03-04T22:50:00.000-05:002004-03-04T23:10:58.733-05:00

"Some people tell me I got great legs Can't figure out why U make me beg Does not compute, don't not compute U think you're special well so do I Why do special women make me cry Must be somethin in the water they drink It's been the same with every girl I've had Must be somethin in the water they drink Why else would a woman wanna

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1077768925987011842004-02-25T23:01:00.000-05:002004-02-25T23:18:15.950-05:00

If I could dream one wish, it would be to run barefoot through the forest of my own desires, passing each one without looking, knowing the the worst was done on my knees.

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1077611216494565272004-02-24T02:29:00.000-05:002004-02-24T03:29:43.796-05:00

"Don't Panic!" Words to live by. "Timing is everything," so I wait and lsten, as I come up short. "Desire," we all do it. But, what happens when your lost behind an enormous pair of brown eyes? Again, I've loss my ability to speak. I've run ashore and I'm the only survivor, with friday hiding. Standing on the banks, a glimmer of hope, but you realize it's a mirage. "Dream on." I'm a car

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1077427588095128062004-02-21T23:57:00.000-05:002004-02-22T00:32:04.466-05:00

I want to write something prolific, but I'm at a loss for words. I want to love, but it's ever fleeting. I know infatuation and desire don't last, but how do you get pass the first step? Should you just jump in waiting for the shock of adrenaline or downfall? I feel I can't help when or where, or with whom. I need to move, but I'm ever waiting. I want to relax, but time is stangling me. I

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1076726379231686232004-02-13T21:27:00.000-05:002004-02-13T21:43:41.606-05:00

Valentine's. Hmmmm! When did it become so noisy. I feel obligated to have someone, although there has been someone on my mind for awhile, why must it be now? She may not even think of me that way- so I let the day pass like any other, hoping I don't notice. Why should I treat the 14th as if it were something special? If I were to say something to the one I adore it would be everyday, day

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1075438057680465322004-01-29T23:46:00.000-05:002004-01-29T23:49:50.216-05:00

Time floats and I've discovered my second skin. Beware, for you may not know what is underneath.

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1075366487808386232004-01-29T03:37:00.000-05:002004-01-29T03:56:58.950-05:00

Shhhhhhhhhh! I hear a moment- ye hummingbird is starting to sing.

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1075180631186602802004-01-27T00:00:00.000-05:002004-01-27T00:19:19.903-05:00

A chill, and I'm dumbstruck. colder and I want to stop- like so many memories that cease to leave. The wind blows, and nothing- When it snows I know not what to do. I can't imagine what the world would be without the SMITHS. "The songs that saved your life" as I "stretch out and wait" knowing I am "unloveable" laughing, because "that joke isn't funny anymore".

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1075008369716426862004-01-25T00:13:00.000-05:002004-01-25T00:28:15.653-05:00

So I've discovered what it is like to be disliked. Someone wrote "N.... Sux" out side on the glass where I work. What happened? What did I do? I've never harmed or dumped on anyone. But, someone dislikes me, for whatever reason. This shouldn't phase me, but it hurts, not knowing the why's and what for's. Why must we hate without knowing who is behind the form you see? Why must we attack

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1074749642217915802004-01-22T00:15:00.000-05:002004-01-22T00:36:03.826-05:00

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1074148052444630562004-01-15T01:12:00.000-05:002004-01-15T01:29:24.606-05:00

I'm vomitting up all my inspirations. I wish I could just shut off my brain and close my mouth. I would just like to scream all I feel and think. When is the right time to speak? How long do you wait as time flys, and your stuck for words, but your stomach is coughing up your inner most thoughts? You imagine them seeing your hands shake as you hold back the thoughts that are opening orifices

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1072414314873989712003-12-25T23:06:00.000-05:002003-12-25T23:52:10.713-05:00

A Christmas wish beyond the physical demeanor of the material world- I wish we could actually see, without the tempered blinders we put on, on a daily basis. I'd like to see a unfettered endowment of beautiful emotions flowing, blinding the sun. I'd like to see a painting embedded with colors I can only dream about that I can swim through freely. I want people to laugh, not hysterically, but

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1071707146823372972003-12-17T19:08:00.000-05:002003-12-17T19:26:01.080-05:00

Sometimes I hurt when others are hurting. I fade while resisting the urge to emerge. Who designed this? Did my parents set something in motion? Did I learn it from the tube, or was it just all the conflicting images one sees on a daily basis. I feel I'm wallowing in my own exagerated self delusion. Jung spoke of the shadow self as if it were hidden, at least to most that are in denial, but

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1071289766587210352003-12-12T23:12:00.000-05:002003-12-12T23:29:39.466-05:00

Everyday I'm reinventing myself. Adding something, discarding something else. People are the key to this process. Unfortunately, I hate stupidity, and as we all know, most people are stupid. I just can't understand what's so hard about thinking. I think that most people forget that there are others in the world. The clerk in the store, the waitress serving you your food, the people picking

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1071039294378373312003-12-10T01:41:00.000-05:002003-12-10T01:55:06.016-05:00

Hey, who are you? I see a person but what do you see. Judgement, that should be left to God. What you see, smell, or hear may not be the whole truth. Are there bodies in my basement? No, only the truth. Do I wreak of hysteria and desperation? No, only the truth. I don't know you. You definitely don't know me. A few words and you've got me pegged. I think not. An aroma, and I'm dirty.

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1070962100307262272003-12-09T04:20:00.000-05:002003-12-09T04:28:32.210-05:00

Sometimes it takes a moment for clarity. Other times it comes in small doses. There is some point to all this, and it could take a lifetime to figure it all out. Unfortunately it takes patience in a world based on easy answers and fast food. Look within and say your prayers, its going to be bumpy ride.

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1070860495401023752003-12-07T22:52:00.000-05:002003-12-08T00:15:07.133-05:00

(under-achievers) Today I die. I don't know why. I just woke up feeling this awful urge to do myself in. Guns are messy. Pills take to long. Razors really hurt. I have to give this some thought. I might as well got to work. If the people aren't an incentive the boredom will be. Convenience stores are a means to an end. The repitition, the wait, all the while you are wondering

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1070429284194563902003-12-03T00:14:00.000-05:002003-12-03T00:28:14.530-05:00

If I could just step outside for a moment. What would I see? Would I see me as you do? It's cold. I used to love the holiday season, but now it's just something that is beautifuly sad. I really hate retail. It sets in motion the materialistic value of the holidays. Where's the movement, the feeling? I'm left with one beautiful moment, as a memory, my mother rocking my baby sister to sleep

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1070249852399727852003-11-30T22:36:00.000-05:002003-11-30T22:37:41.966-05:00

No more stories. I just can't give away me.

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1070249473953902982003-11-30T22:28:00.000-05:002003-11-30T22:31:23.613-05:00

I hear a word every day in Boston. It's silent. It's whispered. Nigger.

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1070167733597299282003-11-25T01:19:00.000-05:002003-11-29T23:49:02.766-05:00

I'm feeling too much lately. The planets are out of line. My head, I'm in my head and I feel like I'm being hit. Has anyone seen me? I'm a wreck. Black and blue are the colors pervailing my life, stuck in a, hyper-sensitive, red room. Where is Jesus, rhe man in black, the woman I love? Is it just my imagination, or exagera-tion of the facts. The one who listened is gone so who do I love?

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1069741080132601862003-11-25T01:15:00.000-05:002003-11-25T01:18:08.383-05:00

Okay, I've been very frustrated with life lately. Ughhhh! The story I was working on for this week is gone. Computer froze, had to restart, now it's gone, like so many things in my life.

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1069472668950886052003-11-21T22:01:00.000-05:002003-11-21T22:44:36.010-05:00

I just watched the Wizard of Oz. Haaa!!! Epiphany!!! I am the scarecrow, tinman, and lion in one. Where is my brain? Has anyone seen my heart? I give my right arm for the courage to survive this world. I'm stuck in the land of nod, clicking my heels. But what do you do when you have never had a home and you don't know who Auntie Emm is?

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1069127322959904132003-11-17T22:29:00.000-05:002003-11-17T22:48:48.943-05:00

Every time she leaves I choke. Who would've guessed I would be alone. Sometimes I think I smell of the desperation. I am all to familiar with lonely, that doesn't bother me; it's the alone thing that strangles me, leaving me gasping for air. I like hanging out with me, but when I need for someone to answer I find myself laughing at the ineptness. I find her everywhere, hiding, afraid to come

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1068011095499351142003-11-02T23:34:00.000-05:002003-11-05T00:44:58.310-05:00

(under achievers-weekly story) He woke to buzz of the alarm clock. He realized he was late again, not remembering the hits to the snooze. His clothes were on the floor, but he didn't know what was dirty and what wreaked of booze from the night before. "You have to get UP!(Woof, Woof)" came from the dog that scrambled into the room. "What the fu..." he retorted, disoriented from the alchol

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1066797156621898202003-10-20T23:19:00.000-05:002003-10-21T23:32:36.316-05:00

Weekly story-(Missing) She walked into the lobby, with her purse hanging under her arm, expecting the usual greeting from the security guard. "Sign in please," Roger said to her as she approached the desk. "Hi Roger," she said waiting for her usual emphatic greeting. "ID, and please sign in," he stated with a sense of regurgitated emphasis. The

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1066552293874304802003-10-19T03:06:00.000-05:002003-10-19T03:31:33.620-05:00

If it wasn't for music, I would die. Salvation lies within the soul. All you have to do is listen. Sometimes, the words don't come so easily, but the blues relenquish all. Happiness, in words of turning it all around, and laughing at the face of adversity. In the end, death may come, but I'll be there with both guns drawn. I may feel tired, but I relenquish nothing, because it's not my time

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1066449516811683172003-10-17T22:30:00.000-05:002003-10-17T23:04:02.296-05:00

I need-No I want her to believe. I exist among the masses, waiting for the right to exemplify the abstract that is my life. Loss, there is so much of it that I'm choking on it. I'm losing my way. I'm losing hope. I'm losing sight, friends, my integrity, the will to live. I know she is waiting for me, somewhere extracting the infinite in my malise. Her openess is sifting through the

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1066280059299253052003-10-15T23:28:00.000-05:002003-10-15T23:58:16.610-05:00

There she is in all her glory. I wait among the wings as her passion thrives. She drifts in to touch my soul but briefly. Her love for life is far beyond my comprehension. She allows me only a glimpse at her imperfection. Oh, tell tale soul, I reach out to only be left with an impression that lingers on. She keeps me at bay, telling me to go. Mercy please, my dear one, what will become of

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1065840512565193772003-10-10T20:47:00.000-05:002003-10-10T21:48:32.136-05:00

In this I'm lost. Without love, where will I be? I care too much. I've seen too much. At what point do I breakdown and wander among the world without bleeding? I bust my ass just to suffer without purpose. I want to just help the best way I know how, but without the conventions and stipulations of society, I must follow rules I see no end to. You need money to accomplish anything. How do

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1065760679013281822003-10-09T23:22:00.000-05:002003-10-09T23:37:58.663-05:00

I'm bruised. I'm just trying to get it right. It comes out sad, but these are just thoughts built on years of regression. This is where I stand, hoping to reach some point of regurgitation that doesn't involve me codeing, but evolving, where someone true can hear blue. If I fall will anyone hear me? Will I have my say?

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1065672138085553422003-10-08T22:56:00.000-05:002003-10-08T23:04:25.463-05:00

I've found a home in Boston. Where else can I go. At times I want to run, run away. The students anoy me. The locals scare me. Where to go? I have no home to go to. No mother or father willing to take me in. So, where do I go? My friends are my life, but they're scattered everywhere. The ones here are my dearest, so I call it home as the Sox begin to show me that there is something

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1065589620425828882003-10-07T22:13:00.000-05:002003-10-08T00:07:00.486-05:00

I had an epiphany after watching "Clerks". It's been years since I have seen that movie. I barely remembered it. I remembered little things here and there, but I forgot the point. I am the controller of my fate. If I am unhappy, it's up to me to change that. I am the only one responsible for the source of my happiness. If I don't like something, it's up to me to change it. I have become

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1065330618544030452003-10-04T23:39:00.000-05:002003-10-05T00:10:18.570-05:00

I'm out of sorts. My confidant is gone; bearing life to another. I am out here alone, shouting sounds that no one will hear. To whom do I turn. In the land of Nod can anyone hear me cry the last single breath of my frustration? If I am alone, shall I feel the pounding of the tree as it strikes the ground? I know not where to turn, stretching out my hands to retrieve the emptiness that has

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1064995339977301722003-10-01T03:02:00.000-05:002003-10-01T03:02:20.153-05:00

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1064995056982359962003-10-01T02:47:00.000-05:002003-10-01T02:57:37.206-05:00

It's early, the time when the angels sing, the devils linger. and the 7 chinese brothers drown in ambition. Morning and I'm clouded with information. I want to sing with the saints, that my existence isn't in vain, a spirit a santis.

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1064891523665567492003-09-29T21:52:00.000-05:002003-09-29T22:12:03.726-05:00

back again....Where did I leave off. Me trying to make some sense of the gambit that is called life. I'm inbetween doing my laundry and some form of painting that I call my own. (excuse the errors) This is just a break, me getting something off my chest. I really don't know where I am. Not the physical, but the mental. Well, I know I am here, this being in the concrete, but where am I? I

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1064871770753572422003-09-29T16:30:00.000-05:002003-09-29T16:42:50.340-05:00

After heavy thought and constancy, sleep is the option. But, alas, I am not afforded that luxury. I want to spill my guts on a daily basis, but I just smile or smirk, hoping people don't take it as arrogance. If they only knew how insecure I was, even about the way I walk. But I trudge on knowing I can, despite my fear. I will. If that is arrogance, sitting among others just doing what

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5866411.post-1064639734776962672003-09-27T00:06:00.000-05:002003-09-27T00:15:34.726-05:00

9/27/2003 1:10am I'm trying to not cave in, crumble or deteriorate. Stress and lack of sleep are my conquerers. I feel like i'm shouting fire in an empty theatre.

Nigelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13867078135899307538noreply@blogger.com